


Friends

by purplefox



Series: KakaNaru week 2016 [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8156300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: Friends make them who they are





	

Friends had not been a big thing for him before. He was aware of others, but it had just been him and his Father. There was the light hearted fun with others before but no real friends. Not the relationship his Father claimed to have with others.

There was the light hearted fun, then there were the deep bonds his Father spoke about, that went beyond duty. The real meaning of friendship, the truth behind bonds. It was difficult to understand but when he had been younger, a simple boy by his Father’s side he had promised himself he would get one of those two. As many as possible and be like his Father and maybe be better.

He abandoned those thoughts after he lost his Father. After his Father had chosen friends and subordinates over duty, after he had seen the heavy price the man paid. Cursed for eternity for helping, for saving. For friendship and bonds.

Those days after that horrifying mission had been a living hell. He had never felt so alone, he had resented, he had despaired and around him his world had cracked finally shattering the night he found his Father’s lifeless body.

With him by himself he had resolved himself to making up for his Father’s mistakes. But somehow that wasn’t what people wanted either and that frustrated him. His Father had made the ultimate sacrifice and they hated him, he followed the rules to the letter, placed mission above everything else and something was wrong with him.

It was after his third team that Kakashi realized how many contradictions the shinobi world was filled with. But it did not matter. His goal was bigger than himself, beyond team. To serve the village and wipe away the stain his Father had created no matter the price to himself.

And so it had continued right until he made it to Team Minato. If he could rewind time he would try to value those days more. Yet he had spent those days frustrated with his own progress. He had made up for it in many ways, ways that greatly upset his Sensei although the man had never said it aloud.

The ways made sense but they were too cold for his Sensei’s liking. Of course his team had not noticed that part of him until it was too late for all of them.

It had been strange, his hopes, his love, it had come flooding back to him at Obito’s words. They had frozen him then slowly chilled him when he tried to do the sensible thing. But when Obito had turned away he had seen his Father’s back.

To think the day that he had decided to change, to follow in his Father’s teachings, the day that he had decided to embrace the dreams of the past, to actually change. The day that he had the opportunity to make a real friend, a great friend like what his Father had. To have a team to protect, look out for.

To think the day he changed was the day that he lost it, the bright future that he had almost had. The one that had changed him, opened his eyes died and there was nothing he could do. Add result to injury and the one he was unable to help, save, that person had helped him.

Kakashi had classmates, team members but the friend he almost had, Obito had slipped through his fingers. No matter what he heard he blamed himself, the problem was not with others it lay with himself so he reinvented himself.

He had to make a proper balance. There was no way he could replace Obito but he wanted Obito to live through him and his actions. He had lost the chance to be a real friend to have that friendship his Father had with Dai but by his actions they would be close.

He had Obito’s eye and he would carry on Obito’s will to the best of his ability. It was what he could do. Rules and village were important but so were friends and he would not make the same mistake twice.

He knew he worried Rin with the way he changed and trained but Rin was one of the few things Obito had left behind. He had to protect her for Obito.

But he had forgotten how strong she was too and he had forgotten just as he worried for friends and village so did she. He understood her reason and actions but it did not make it any easier.

She had been his friend. Obito would have been his friend. Another chance lost, another person gone. He felt helpless and he wondered if the pain he felt, if his father felt it. The loneliness, the urge to do better but the constant tiredness.

It was strange how the first encounter of the friendship he sought he found in fiction. Jiraiya-sama had always been strange but when Kakashi looked past the love scenes he was caught in the descriptions of friendship. The love scenes were great too but the book’s contents gave him hope.

He had gotten the book after a stay in the hospital. His ANBU teammates had passed on several things but he liked the book more. His Sensei was Hokage and the ANBU missions were bloody and hard but Kakashi could find hope in the village. His teacher’s wife was pregnant, Kakashi had his own team.

There were plenty of things he could teach the hardened kids under his care but after his stay in the hospital he decided to teach them to take it easy. They were necessary factions of shinobi. Better to do their best to maintain them for long term.

And who would have thought that laughter would ring in ANBU headquarters without some sort of alcohol? There had been scoffs in the beginning but results got attention.

His subordinates were fond of him in their own way, Gai simply never gave up and Kakashi had to admit that it made him feel good. Gave him hope.

He ditched his team on a mission back to buy a baby book, he knew Jiraiya would do it as well but he really wanted to see if he could teach the baby tricks when it was born. When they learned to talk of course Kakashi would teach them something outrageous just for Kushina to get mad at his Sensei.

It was almost strange how easily he smiled even though it was behind the mask. From reading, from his subordinates, from Gai’s antics and from his Hokage and his wife’s antics. It was a good feeling. He cared for them wanted to protect them.

And of course he had to lose the last part of his link to Team Minato in the most horrible way. Minato-sensei and his wife… Rin… Obito his entire team… gone. He had other friends but he himself felt lonely, but he still had his subordinates, he still had Gai and the others around the village.

But it wasn’t the same.

And the child, Kakashi knew the child had no one.

X

The best way to explain his friends would be to say that they were fleeting. Around only until an adult saw them. Sometimes he got lucky but they always abandoned him. At the academy there were others but there never was any real depth to it.

Somehow that hurt even more, he wasn’t alone but there was no real feeling of friendship. He had them sort of them but for them there was always someone else. He didn’t feel wanted even when they laughed together.

It made him long for friends of his own even more. It was hard to say that to anyone though. He knew he was close to just blurting out his problems once at the ramen store. The old man’s daughter was kind but it was her job to care. He liked it, he liked them but there never was any real depth to it.

He wouldn’t throw away that small kindness, he couldn’t afford to be picky but it pissed him off. There was nothing wrong him but sometimes he was always alone. Always watched with suspicion. Sometimes it felt as though the village itself was watching him with hard eyes even when he was alone.

It was a living hell seeing what he wanted, what he should have had so close. He tried so hard but with every day it got harder, the shadows darker.

By the time he had stolen the scroll his faith had been so low that he had not even been that shocked to find out he had been tricked. He had hoped, he had believed but the memory of the parents that brushed him away, the friendships broken after the game had nagged at him. The real shocking thing had been Iruka-sensei’s words and they had been so different to everything that he had cried. Iruka-sensei had been a bright light in the growing darkness.

Naruto had wanted more of that, even with the knowledge of what he was he had wanted more. He had wanted to be the bright light in someone’s life. It had been hard to explain but the way Iruka-sensei’s face had changed at his admission had only fuelled his determination.

X

He knew it would be a long path to be any light in Sasuke’s life but he was determined not to give up. He had a ways to go for Sakura too but things had changed, he was grateful. It was weird to say that Kakashi-sensei was close and far at the same time but that was what the man was.

On lighter things he was happy, free and close. Deeper things and the man was frustratingly close mouthed. He could tease and laugh with the best of them but Naruto watched the shadows in the man’s eye shift and grow.

Still Naruto had not given up hope for friends, when he had met Haku, heard how the boy had spoken about the person that meant so much to him he had flushed as he thought of Iruka-sensei. That special feeling, he had been happy to hear how he was not the only one. And crushed to hear how Zabuza had treated Haku and himself.

Naruto knew that the light to save him was his friends and by the time they had buried Haku and Zabuza he had been determined to never accept any attempt by anyone to take his friends away from him. He had no family, his friends were the closest to that in his life.

If only they would listen.

X

The Chuunin had brought plenty of pain to everyone but it had been a changing point for everyone. Shikamaru’s eyes had changed, so had Kiba’s so had Chouji’s. before they were sort of friends but Naruto could say after the Chuunin exam that their feelings towards him had changed.

After he failed his mission to retrieve Sasuke, they all had something in common. He had fretted over their recovery while he tried to escape his own bed. He had sat next to Shikamaru as they waited for Neji to be moved to a different ward, they had visited and spoke with Chouji and Lee together.

And Shikamaru had snickered when his nurse had finally tracked him down and dragged Naruto back to his bed. Naruto had grumbled at his injection while Shikamaru chuckled. He had known things had changed for certain when Shikamaru had made himself comfortable when he drifted off. It had been a good feeling. He had felt cared for, trusted, alive and part of something, part of the village.

X

Kakashi-sensei left behind ramen cups when Naruto was sleeping and most of the time stayed until he woke up. Naruto sometimes woke up to the feeling of calloused fingers ruffling his hair and his sensei’s amused voice while he was stuck in the hospital.

They spoke about Sasuke but only in the quiet of the evening. Naruto poured out his rage and sadness and his sensei accepted and understood. Sometimes after he spoke his sensei would say nothing but would reach over and hold his hand and that was enough. Naruto just gripped the hand hard and concentrated on breathing, on remembering where he was and what was important.

By the time Ero-sennin had dropped by Naruto had been in no mood to hear give up. His sensei understood, and he was determined that everyone else would too.

His sensei had his secrets but that was fine, everyone did. Saying goodbye was not hard, because he knew he would be back.

X

The village had changed and the people too. They looked at him a little differently and the people he had left behind had changed so much. He had not known how much he had clung to old images of the village and those in it until he had to remove the image of small Akamaru to accept the new one.

Everyone had changed, the look in their eyes, the tone of their voices. He accepted it he was happy over it because it was another step to his dream of being accepted. The village’s place in his heart had changed but yet it was not until he had slipped and been caught did he realize that there were different types of good friends.

Believe, believed in, trust, trusted in, family.

Kakashi-sensei understood him without him having to say a word. Naruto was relieved about that but wary, to be understood so well and he could not say the same over his teacher. He could predict things the older man would be interested in but not the why of it.

He was strong, fast and cool but so secretive.

X

His team was his friends, his family and when he realized that Kakashi-sensei was alive Naruto was thankful for it. He was relieved over it. His heart had shattered on realizing he could not feel the man anywhere but when he pressed his face into the man’s neck and felt his heat he felt relieved.

He had felt so alone when he had been unable to feel the man’s chakra. He had felt so lost, afraid but now after the fight, to see that there was still some things, some people he had left. To know that he had won in more ways than the physical he felt relieved.

X

There were different kinds of friends, those you cared for in a distant sense. The closer ones that would die for you and the other way around. Those that stuck by your side to the bitter end on the road to your dreams and those you could not see yourself without.

Those who you needed to know were okay in some way, those you needed close to you.

Sasuke, Naruto just wanted to know that the guy was alive and okay and Kakashi-sensei. Well Naruto needed him by his side. He needed more than that but it was what he would allow himself to say.

X

Kakashi had his friends and Naruto had his. Obito had sent him on the right path and the price Kakashi had paid, he was determined to do all he could to make sure it never happened again. But gods above Naruto never made it easy.

But Naruto was a different type of friend anyway. “Morning.” He said softly when Naruto’s eyes fluttered open to slam close again on witnessing the overhead light. Kakashi switched off the light with glee before he spoke again. “You’ve been out all day. Ramen’s cold.”

“How’s everyone?” Naruto’s voice was hoarse.

“Alive, rebuilding, thankful to their future Hokage for saving them.” Kakashi lightly toyed with the bedsheet. “Sasuke’s healing in Suna, he’ll leave when he’s done.”

“Good.” Naruto slurred. “Sorry about our date.”

“Well the village was attacked.” Kakashi pointed out softly. He pressed a kiss to Naruto’s cheek and chuckled at the soft smile Naruto gave him. “We can post pone.” Naruto certainly did not make it easy but… Kakashi would not give it up for anything.


End file.
